Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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