she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
