Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
