my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
