We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
