I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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