After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
