I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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