Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
