fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
