Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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