he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
