You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
