i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
