can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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