I want to walk on stilts...naked
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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