Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
