If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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