so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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