he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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