I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
