I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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