Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize