kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
