Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
