I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
