Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
