why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
