I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
