"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
