Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
