Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.