Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
