She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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