My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
