Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
