Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
