Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
