I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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