i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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