In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
