we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
