Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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