smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
