I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
