Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
