you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
