I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
