We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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