I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
