I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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