Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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