just tell him i said nine months
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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