she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
