Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
