somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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