p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
