if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
