i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
