I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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