I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize