so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
