guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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