He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
