Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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