those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
