i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
