Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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