My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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