I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
