how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
