He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
